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Archive for November, 2016

Funeral and house news

November 1st, 2016 at 07:00 am

We went to the funeral last week. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but it was the best time I have ever had visiting that side of the family.

Granny was so happy to have us there. She and N stayed up until nearly 1am talking the night before the funeral. We got to hang out with N's sister without the kids for several hours on Wednesday. It was great to be able to be with her without her having "mom duty". We didn't get to see the kids that night (her husband was driving them down from 5 hours away and took them straight to the hotel.) SIL gave me oldest nieces cell phone number (she just turned 9! So young for a phone!) and she and I have been texting every few days. It's fun because she is really, really bad at texting-but that's how you learn! We really love those kids (and they us!) and we're trying to convince them to move to our town. I think we're going to try to get the older two to visit us this summer, individually. They both sounded excited about it.

I had never been to a funeral before so I didn't know what to expect. I find our death rituals really weird and uncomfortable. I don't understand viewings and it weirds me out to be in a room with a body. Well, at least I thought it would until I saw Uncle Charlie and burst into tears. I was the only one crying and that felt odd to me because I have only known him 3 years and everyone else...for much longer. I am an overly emotional person though, and goodbyes are very difficult for me.

MIL never showed up for the funeral. She said if Danny (Uncle Charlie's son) was still alive she would go for him but that she saw no reason to be there. Uh, how about the rest of your family is grieving? Honestly, a lot of the reason why the trip was so much better was because we didn't see her. N is very angry with her that she is putting him and SIL in shitty positions. She wants to visit us next weekend and that is not something I am looking forward to.

We're concerned about the caregiver Granny hired to help take care of Charlie. I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but I got a bad feeling from this woman. I think she (and her unemployable adult son) will start to look at Granny as a meal ticket. I feel awful saying this but there were some real red flags and clear instances of professional boundaries being crossed. N & Granny had a talk about it and Granny is a tough lady, but I still worry about her being taken advantage of.

In other news, N wants me to buy him out of his share of our house. I have been a mess of emotions about this. We're not breaking up, but he has something he wants to pursue and feels like this is the best way to do it.

On one hand, I feel it's completely irresponsible of him. But, he has a pretty solid plan and I know it will make him really happy. And he hasn't been happy recently. I will be less vague later.

But unfortunately, I don't have the money to buy him out right now. He actually didn't know that (we don't combine finances) and thought I did which is why he felt comfortable asking. We're in the process of seeing what all our (my) options are.

I will no problem qualify for the remaining mortgage on my own. The only question is interest rate. My credit is in the high end of the "good" range, so I am trying to get up to excellent by paying off the reno credit card ASAP (long before the 0% interest period ends.)

What I don't know is if I will be able to take out N's share of the house at the same time. And if I can't, then I need to figure out how to come up with the 12-13k to pay him. I have another 0% interest card for 18 months that I can write him a check from, but it would only cover 7k. I could try for a personal loan. He wants it changed over as quick as possible, so there isn't time to save up money AND pay down the credit card.

This is stressing me out a ton. Before he brought this up I felt like I was floundering but was pretty sure I would find my footing sometime. Now I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I am unhappy with my job, but am limited to what kind of positions I can apply for. There aren't really any locally, at least not for a significant pay cut and I can not afford that right now. If I look at jobs elsewhere, I would need to be paid enough to be able to afford a second (much, much smaller) residence. But now I don't think I will be able to do that, at least not until I have finished paying off his portion of the house.

We've been having nice long talks every evening, working out the particulars and unpacking the emotions. I know that this will end up better for me in the long term, because I will be getting all the airbnb money and will be able to make my savings goals a lot easier. But I have to get there first. I am not going to lie, I am feeling really let down about the whole situation, but I am trying my hardest to stay positive and keep an open mind.

I calculated my networth this morning. So far every month this year I have seen an increase (once only for $41, but I will take it!) Feels good to see the numbers going up!