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College kerfluffle

April 5th, 2017 at 07:26 pm

In our state, there is a program that gives economically disadvantaged kids free college tuition to a state school as long as they meet certain conditions (maintain a certain gpa, don't get in trouble with the law, do service projects, parents make under $x annually.)

N's kid is part of this program. He signed up in 7th or 8th grade and has steadily been making progress towards what he needs to accomplish for it. His entire life every adult he knows has been telling him not to screw it up because that is the only way he will have to pay for college outside of loans. As a result, though, no one has even thought about TRYING to save any money for college for him.

This week kid learned that one of his friends was kicked out of the program because the friend's parent remarried and now new spouse's income counts. This is troubling because kid's mom is getting married in October.

When this info was brought to kid's mom she said "Well, I thought about that..." and trailed off.

How long ago did she think about that? And what did she do after she had the thought? Absolutely nothing.

We don't have all the information yet. It's unclear if they can kick him out or if they will count new husband's income. The website is terrible, and the high school is not much better. N and kid are going to try to talk to someone so they can form a game plan to take to kid's mom.

I just can't fathom wanting to be married so badly that I would be fine with throwing away the chance that my kid wouldn't be able to go to college. And the resentment my kid would have knowing that I chose marriage over their future. (The kicker is that kid doesn't even like fiance. He gave him a try and is civil when he's over at their house, but has stopped wanting to hang out with them because fiance is a big baby man that literally cries when he doesn't get his way.)

Some options we talked about last night- switch custody to N. N is very poor and we aren't getting married so there's no worry about my finances screwing things up for kid.

Kid getting emancipated. He'd be on his own for insurance but he would still be able to live with us and we'd provide a lot for him.

Kid says his mom would never go for either of those because she gets $2-$3k back on her taxes because of him. Honestly, I think she forfeits any say in it because she is the one making terrible decisions that effect kid. Also, at some point he is going to get to an age where she can no longer claim him and what was her plan? She sure isn't saving that money for college for him.

I am frustrated because kid has been promised something that through no fault of his own might not work out. But also because I have absolutely no say in anything that happens. This is between Kid, N and Kid's mom to figure out a solution. Also, kid's mom will never listen to any advice I have, she won't listen to N because he calls her out on bullshit and she won't listen to kid because in her mind kid is still a kid, not almost a man who can make his own decisions.

I'm not trying to shit all over kid's mom but this situation is absolutely crazy town to me.

I'm not sure how long I will leave this up but I am frustrated and wanted to get part of it out. Hopefully I am severely overreacting (like I am prone to) and it will work out for kid.

6 Responses to “College kerfluffle”

  1. creditcardfree Says:

    I sure hope it works out for him too!

  2. Butterscotch Says:

    That is terrible. My first thought was to have N have entire custody. What a selfish person she is...How much longer before Kid goes to college?

  3. Laura S. Says:

    I was also going to ask how long before the kid goes to college. I cannot believe she would do this to him. I hope it works out.

  4. VS_ozgirl Says:

    She sounds utterly selfish... cannot fathom why on earth someone would put their kid in that situation? Good luck with it all.

  5. rob62521 Says:

    Wow, how in the world can she not consider this. Full tuition? It would be worth waiting to get married for!

  6. jokeabee Says:

    Kid will go to college Fall 2018. So, a little more than a year. I think that the most charitable and true explanation is that she thinks if she doesn't think about it then she doesn't have to do anything and she can pretend like nothing has changed. I think it's a very risky position to take, but I don't think she's doing it out of complete selfishness-just denial. N and the kid haven't talked to anyone in the know (as far as I know, I am in CA now) so no news on what actions anyone has to take.

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