N talked to granny's lawyer on Monday. Luckily, N and the lawyer are completely on the same page. Granny can't kick MIL out unless and until she has in-home care. The lawyer has a lot of elderly clients so he has some referral for in-home caregivers. N has decided (and I agree) that Granny should start with in home care and then assess whether to push moving to an independent living situation. It might be easier with someone else (the caregiver) recommending that she go across the street (literally).

N is going down to take her out to lunch tomorrow and explain that there needs to be in home care and also that she has to be in his corner while he is in hers. He doesn't want to sit down with MIL to tell her she needs to find other arrangements only to have Granny equivocate or tell MIL she can stay. N will help no longer if that is the case. He is also going to tell granny that the lawyer recommends, and he agrees, that if she wants to keep a relationship with her daughter (MIL), then she's going to have to pay MIL some kind of living allowance so that she can support herself. It's stupid but that is the price you pay for bailing out your kid every time they get in trouble and not making it so they have to figure out how to live on their own and not off of someone.

If MIL doesn't agree, on advice of N's dad (who has been divorced from MIL for many, many years) is first going to beg MIL in order to stroke her ego and then if that doesn't work he is going to tell her the hard truth: no one in the family will want to have any kind of relationship with you if you keep this up because it is clear you are using an elderly couple only for their money and that is disgusting. But he doesn't think it will get that far.

N asked the lawyer what kind of legal rights MIL has and she has very few. Even if she tried to claim that Granny and Uncle-Grandpa are incompetent and that she needs to make their decisions, she'd have to hire her own lawyer (which she doesn't have the money for) and that no judge would agree-even UG who has short term memory problems is deemed competent to make his own decisions under the law.

Hopefully this will get Granny and UG the care they need, eliminate a lot of stress in their lives, and keep MIL off of SIL's doorstep. It has been a stressful week, and there is still a bit more to come but at least there is a path to a solution.