After worrying about Granny (my partner's grandmother) I got news last night about Nanny (my grandmother).
Nanny is not doing good. They don't think she has long at all to live. Which is good because she is in terrible pain. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's maybe..13 years ago? And for awhile she was doing alright. There was definite memory loss but she still could still reasonably pull it together. Then maybe... 7 years ago things took a turn for the awful and pretty quickly she forgot how to talk and walk. I haven't seen her since I moved away for grad school, but my aunt saw her pretty regularly even though it messed her (my aunt) up pretty bad each time. Nanny sure has a tremendous will to live because her quality of life has been shit for so many years.
But my aunt called me yesterday to tell me we're nearing the end. She's on morphine and the DNR is in place and Nanny can't swallow and hasn't eaten for a week.
I asked my aunt if I should come out and she said no. I told her I wasn't asking for Nanny (My nanny has been gone for a long, long time even if her body is still around) but for her-my aunt. She said no that she'd see me in July. I thought about it after I hung up with her and then called her back to tell her I get bereavement time off from my work and it isn't any trouble and she told me she didn't want to inconvenience my life.
I think it is pretty important that I am there for my aunt and now I know that she won't tell me she wants me there even if she does. So I am almost positive I am going to plan to go out in the next couple weeks. Now it really will just be my aunt, uncle and me left 
Nanny's situation is similar to Granny's in that both women have shitty children who are looking for an inheritance. The difference is that Nanny is loaded. Because 3 of her children were trying to take her money when she had dementia, she has a conservator of the estate (and also the person). We know that her will says that each of the grandchildren get 10k, four of the children (all the kids except my aunt) get 30k, and whatever is leftover goes to my aunt and uncle. My aunt and uncle have been the ones who have moved her I don't know how many times, have taken care of her, have made sure she has gotten to doctors appointments and have been the only ones who have consistently been there. It's also important to point out they were never trying to get into her pocketbooks when they saw her. My mom and I lived on the East Coast and my mom did what she could for Nanny but it wasn't the same as being there. The rest of the kids came by only when they needed money.
So when the will came out there was a huge hulabaloo with the 3 kids about how much my aunt will be getting. So they did everything they could to whittle down Nanny's estate with lawyer fees. What is awful is that their inheritance is defined, but my aunt's is whatever is left over. My aunt is really worried that there is going to be a big fight over what is left. Because despite her kids best efforts there is still a substantial amount left.
For the record-my aunt doesn't want this money. She has never let it figure into her future. We have all hoped that Nanny would spend the money on her self. BUT that being said and in my opinion my aunt and uncle DESERVE whatever Nanny wanted to leave them because they have taken care of her the most! And they did it because they love her, not for the payout.
I just want to be with my aunt to support her and comfort however I can. I am thinking of going April 13-17 but it will depend on how soon (or not soon) Nanny passes.
What money does to families...I just don't understand.
Nanny
March 25th, 2016 at 01:52 pm
March 25th, 2016 at 02:01 pm 1458914500
March 25th, 2016 at 04:41 pm 1458924073
March 25th, 2016 at 08:43 pm 1458938638
I think you are right about being there for your aunt. She sounds like a wonderful person who doesn't think of herself. She may not ask you to be there, but she probably will be delighted you were. It shows the strength of character not only of your aunt, but of you. Blessings and peace to you.
March 26th, 2016 at 03:02 am 1458961341
March 26th, 2016 at 03:58 am 1458964689
March 26th, 2016 at 11:06 pm 1459033575
My sister also said she wasn't interested in any of my mother's belongings, save for all her paint supplies, a bunch of yarns and all her books that she took. This surprised me, because my mother has, as you all know, a ton of art but also jewelry and various knickknacks that I thought we'd have to divvy up.
Not having to do that just made things so much easier, i must say.